alvindavis99

CIP School in the Phils.

CLEAN JOKES

on August 6, 2012

 

 

CLEAN JOKES

BAD NEWS AND VERY BAD NEWS

Doctor: “I have some bad news and some very bad news.”

Patient: “Well, might as well give me the bad news first.”

Doctor: “The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.”

Patient: “24 hours! That’s terrible! What could be worse? What’s the very bad news?”

Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.”

 

BROADMOOR PSYCHIATRIC HOTLINE

Have you heard Broadmoor’s answering machine? It says: “Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you have paranoid delusions, we know who you are and what you want; just stay on the line until we can trace your call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will listen to your message.”

 

SEVEN COURSE DINNERS

What is a student’s seven-course dinner?
A six pack of Red Bull and a slice of pizza.

What is ;an American seven-course dinner?
A six pack of Bud Lite and a big Mac.

What is a Scottish seven-course dinner?
Six crumbs of stale bread and a case of whisky.

What is a Chinese seven-course dinner?
Six bowls of rice and a cooked rat.

What is a Japanese seven-course dinner?
A bowl of rice and six raw fish.

What is a Russian seven-course dinner?
A litre of vodka and six turnips.

What is a Mexican seven-course dinner?
A bottle of Tequila and six cockroaches.

What is an Eskimo seven-course dinner?
Six lumps of snow and a baby seal.

What is an Argentine seven-course dinner?
Six cuts of beer and a sprig of parsley.

What is an English seven-course dinner?
Three pints of lager, two packs of crisps, a bag of chips and a donor kebab.

What is an Irish seven-course dinner?
A four-pack of Guinness and a potato.

What is a German seven-course dinner?
Six different beers and a kilo of raw sausage

 


 

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