CIP School in the Phils.


on August 6, 2012





Doctor: “I have some bad news and some very bad news.”

Patient: “Well, might as well give me the bad news first.”

Doctor: “The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.”

Patient: “24 hours! That’s terrible! What could be worse? What’s the very bad news?”

Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.”



Have you heard Broadmoor’s answering machine? It says: “Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you have paranoid delusions, we know who you are and what you want; just stay on the line until we can trace your call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will listen to your message.”



What is a student’s seven-course dinner?
A six pack of Red Bull and a slice of pizza.

What is ;an American seven-course dinner?
A six pack of Bud Lite and a big Mac.

What is a Scottish seven-course dinner?
Six crumbs of stale bread and a case of whisky.

What is a Chinese seven-course dinner?
Six bowls of rice and a cooked rat.

What is a Japanese seven-course dinner?
A bowl of rice and six raw fish.

What is a Russian seven-course dinner?
A litre of vodka and six turnips.

What is a Mexican seven-course dinner?
A bottle of Tequila and six cockroaches.

What is an Eskimo seven-course dinner?
Six lumps of snow and a baby seal.

What is an Argentine seven-course dinner?
Six cuts of beer and a sprig of parsley.

What is an English seven-course dinner?
Three pints of lager, two packs of crisps, a bag of chips and a donor kebab.

What is an Irish seven-course dinner?
A four-pack of Guinness and a potato.

What is a German seven-course dinner?
Six different beers and a kilo of raw sausage




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